A woman with whom I used
to be close friends once told me in a rather nasty tone that she
despised "people who just want to be seen." She was
waiting for me to finish dressing and putting on my make-up so we
could attend an event together, so I get it that she might have been
annoyed that I was being slower than she wished in my despicable
process. We're still friends (sort of ) so she shall remain nameless
here. Not that I need to worry about her seeing this ... she would
never be caught dead reading a style blog. She is one of those
really, truly admirable folks who spend the majority of their time
striving for a better world, and I love her for that. But frankly,
she'd be more successful in her efforts if she stepped up her own
personal presentation a notch or ten. She spends a substantial
amount of Facebook time complaining that she is under-employed in
spite of her fabulous talents. She can also afford to step it up a
bit. Just saying.
We are both from
old-school feminist roots, but one of the strongest feminist platform
planks has always been in support of the freedom of all women to
choose ... not just in reproductive issues ... but in how they choose
to dress to face the world each day. How they choose to be seen in
response to that freedom. If you don't think that matters, then
imagine for a moment that you could not wear pants in public or were
forbidden to leave your house without covering your head for modesty.
And all this is important
because if you step out into the world at all, you will be seen.
So, in a long overdue response to her comment, I contend that, since
it is inevitable that you will be seen, it is basic civility and a
sign of respect for those who will see you to give them at least
something interesting to look at.
What you wear makes a
difference. Some days, it's only a minuscule difference; putting on
a cute cardigan on a day at home alone will keep you warm and cheer
you up if it's a cardigan that you really like. But your appearance
can also inspire others if your confident (or elegant, or minimal, or
edgy, or charming) turnout matches your competence in professional
and personal activities. You can support and flatter a friend if you show up at her social event looking like you give a flip about her success as a
hostess. She didn't put all that effort into putting together a nice
time for friends for you to arrive looking like you just finished
cleaning your bathroom and decided to honor her with your ultra
casual presence. She should love you any way you look, right? Sort
of. How you dress or don't dress says something about your respect
for her.
We all have those buds who
are so invested in being the one who is so busy with grave and
thoughty matters that, year after year, they show up in mom-jeans,
running shoes and tee shirts with pictures of precious pets or
socially relevant (but invariably trite) slogans on them. The message is that we must
never, ever think that they waste time on anything so trivial as
dressing up. The other message that they put out is, whether they
know it or not, that they are not fully present in the world we all
live in together. And that they are just not bothering to pay attention to the
people and events that are shaping the era we live in right now.
Whether they know it or not, they have made a style choice, and
reflectively, a deeper life choice. Yikes.
